Know what you want
o It is important to figure out what you want before you enter into a conversation
Pick the right time and place
o Choose a place where you're comfortable
o Make sure you're both sober
o Make sure it's before you've had intimate contact
o Choose a private place
Relax
o Take a deep breath before you start
o Tell your partner you're nervous
o Practice beforehand to combat nerves
Use "I" statements
o "I feel...", "I want...", "I like..."
Ask open-ended questions (not yes/no questions)
o "Tell me something that happened today" vs. "Did you have a good day?"
o "What do you think about this activity?" vs. "Do you want to do this activity?"
Listen!
o If you want your partner to pay attention to you, you should pay attention to your partner
o Ask for confirmation that your message was received and acknowledge that you heard your partner's messages (this does not mean you have to agree with it)
o Use reflective listening and say how you interpreted the message (Ask for clarification when unsure what you heard. Ask questions to clarify what you believe you heard)
Get information to help you each make informed decisions
o Learn your partner's perspective
o Know your partner's concerns and show respect for them
Be honest and patient
Avoid assumptions and accusations
Avoid being persuaded to do something you don't want to do
o Ex: If you loved me, you would trust me and not use a condom
Pay attention to non verbal cues
o Is your body language, appearance, facial expressions, eye contact saying the same thing that your words are saying?
