If we designed a study in which we subjected research participants to the same things tenure candidates are subjected to, it would be considered unethical by the Human Subjects Committee.
- Eminent social psychologist

It's a bad genre.
- Tenure candidate describing the tenure statement as a literary format

He gives good letter.
- Description of a potential external reviewer

You'll work on it longer than any other paper, but it will never get published.
- Tenure candidate's description of writing the tenure statement

And the best of all...

I am pleased to inform you that your promotion to Associate Professor with Indefinite Tenure has been approved.
- Letter from the provost